Tamar Wore Her Ashes

So, here we are at the end of February and this is my first post of 2020.  I admit the deadlines at work have kept me so busy I haven't had time to do this.  I certainly intended to post more often than this and hope that you won't give up on me.  

So far my job is mostly writing and finding time and space for more writing is proving difficult.  What I'd like to do, therefore, is share some of the writing that I've been doing for work.  I hope it will be meaningful here as well.  In addition to the preaching notes that I write on our website (umcdiscipleship.org, then go to worship planning), the worship team is also in the midst of writing a book for our "See All the People" series, which is about Intentional Discipleship Systems, and I regularly respond to questions posed by some of our users that range from worship questions to theological inquiries and pastoral issues. Plus I do on occasion preach in the Upper Room Chapel and help lead worship there and other places around our building.  All of that keeps me pretty busy. 

It's another new avenue of expression, however, that I want to share with you in this space for my first post of 2020.  At Christmas time, my team leader, Dr. Cynthia Wilson, asked me to write a version of the Magnificat, Mary's song in the Gospel of Luke (1:46-55) to go along with a song that Carol Ann Smolka, our team manager wrote and sang.  It was received well and so for Ash Wednesday we were asked to do it again.  But the rubrics were more general.  "Something about ashes," we were told.  Carol Ann found a song, not one she wrote this time and gave me the lyrics.  It's the song "Ashes" sung by Celine Dion. The song was actually written for the Marvel movie Deadpool 2, of all things.  And was designed to be a satire of the genre of emotional movie songs.  But the song got a life of its own and, thankfully, carries a meaning beyond that film.  

So, I was tasked to write some words to accompany the song.  I began by scanning through the Bible to see who wore ashes and for what reason.  Ashes were a common symbol of grief and mourning, but also suffering and repentance.  So, I chose three characters from the Old Testament to sit alongside us, because we too wear the ashes.  First there is reference to Tamar, she gave the title to the piece.  Tamar's story appears in 2 Samuel 13, you can read it there.  Then Job and all the trials he went through through the book that bears his name.  And finally Mordecai, from the book of Esther.  Mordecai was the relative who encouraged Esther to speak up for her people to prevent a grave injustice.

When I think of Ash Wednesday, I can imagine all sorts of reasons why we would wear the ashes.  But whatever they might represent in terms of our limitations or brokenness, they also are a sign of hope.  Or at least a sigh that we recognize our need for a Savior.  Thankfully, there is One available.

So, here, with the added in lyrics to the song, is "Tamar Wore Her Ashes."

Tamar wore her ashes

Like a crown of her shame,

a reminder of her rejection by her brother, her rapist

              a taste of the brokenness dry as dust on her tongue.

Job wore his ashes

              A shell of his emptiness,

                             A reminder of all that was ripped away and the despair left behind,

                                           And they choked out his cries to the unresponsive sky.

Mordecai wore the ashes of a people

              As he cried at the gate for justice

                             A reminder of the helplessness of exile

                                           And the tears of all the people carved canyons through the soot

We wear our ashes

              As if they weren’t there, as if we were fine, and whole, and good, all the time

                             Until we stumble,

and fall face first into the volcanic residue of our failure to love

                             Until we stub our toes on the limitations of our mortality

and watch our snowflake impermanence float away on the slightest breeze

              from the fires of our frustration

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down,

              And down, and down, and down

                             Like children laughing at our dizziness,

                                           Until we aren’t, and we don’t, and we can’t

And we wear our ashes,

              And our tears, and our brokenness,

                             Hiding our faces from the One who calls.

                                           While we wear our ashes.

Song - “Ashes”

What's left to say?

These prayers ain't working anymore

Every word shot down in flames

What's left to do with these broken pieces on the floor?

I'm losing my voice calling on you

'Cause I've been shaking

I've been bending backwards till I'm broke

Watching all these dreams go up in smoke

Let beauty come out of ashes

Let beauty come out of ashes

And when I pray to God all I ask is

Can beauty come out of ashes?

Can you use these tears to put out the fires in my soul?

'Cause I need you here, woah

'Cause I've been shaking

I've been bending backwards till I'm broke

Watching all these dreams go up in smoke

Let beauty come out of ashes

Let beauty come out of ashes

And when I pray to God all I ask is

Can beauty come out of ashes?

Can beauty come out of ashes?

Can beauty come from ashes?

              Can hope rise from brokenness?

                             Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

                                           But what if there was a hand to lift us?

Tamar wore her ashes, Job and Mordecai,

We all wear the ashes of our mortality and our sin

But what if there was one who would wear the ashes with us

              Who would put on the ashes of our death, the stain of our sin

And bring beauty from our ashes.

Tamar wore her ashes, and we all remember to weep and to hope and to live, from the ashes.

Shalom,

Derek